How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back Paperback Author: Visit Amazon's Henry Cloud Page | Language: English | ISBN:
0310262658 | Format: PDF, EPUB
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From Publishers Weekly
Geared for the reported 3.5 million evangelical Christian singles in America, this guide by Cloud-author of the bestselling Boundaries series of relationship books-offers sound advice on the dating game. Some of his tenets may take Christian readers by surprise: he asserts, for example, that there's no one Mr. or Ms. Right for each person, and that people should stop waiting around for a dream individual to sweep them off their feet. ("God guides and provides," Cloud states, "but he also requires us to do our part.") He also asserts that dating is not just a precursor to marriage, disagreeing with those Christians who refuse to date unless they glimpse a tiered wedding cake at the end of the rainbow. Non-serious dating, Cloud writes, is an essential step in the process of eventually finding a mate, because it teaches people what they need and want through trial and error. Cloud unveils a whole program for "getting out there" in the dating world: singles should keep a log of all the eligible people they meet; go places where other singles go (Cloud calls this "changing your traffic pattern"); consider joining a dating service; and forget the "love at first sight" myth. He even suggests dating non-Christians-which will raise some evangelical eyebrows-while repeating his proviso that dating is not marriage. Most of the book's examples are of women seeking men, but all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual.
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Review
'...offers sound advice on the dating game....all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual.' -- PW Religion Bookline <br><br> (
PW Religion Bookline)
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Books with free ebook downloads available Download How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back
- Paperback: 240 pages
- Publisher: Zondervan (February 14, 2005)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0310262658
- ISBN-13: 978-0310262657
- Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
- Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Let me explain the way I date according to the book How to Find a Date worth Keeping. I have relatively recently changed somewhat the style of dating because of reading this book as well as Boundaries and Boundaries in Dating. Also,a visit to a Christian counselor to some extent and the book Safe People had some influence too.
Because of what I've learned about human nature (as well as super nature), there is a need to establish that the one you are with is able to delay gratification long enough to separate lust from love so that both people can objectively learn about each other. This takes a time period much longer than the traditional length of time to accomplish. Cloud and Townsend (the authors) suggest that anything less than a year is probably too soon to be talking about a truly committed relationship. They go on to say that 2 to 3 years is not an unreasonable time. They also say that it depends a bit on individual pace.
I used to focus on one woman at a time in the traditional way of dating until she or I decided we were no longer compatible, then move on or decide on being "friends". Now I casually date for a much longer period, dating a few women concurrently, to see which of those can hang in there with me in order to really get to know me, among other reasons.
(I'll stop here to clarify a definition. I think our world has two meanings for "casual dating" One meaning is as I have used it above - dating to get to know someone keeping the boundaries of physical interaction at a bare minimum initially.
The second meaning is quite the opposite and that is >>go out/have sex/repeat with different partner with a cavalier attitude.
When I use this term "casual dating" I'm using the first definition always.
Perhaps one of the things in a church culture is that there isn't enough mentorship from parents or from the church on proper dating.
One of the biggest and most misleading ideas implied in church culture or propagated in books are:
a) Just wait, God will provide for you a mate.
b) If you are spiritual enough, and seek God earnestly, God will give you the best. Don't settle for second best.
With that two statements, it misleads people who are seriously looking for a mate.
First, because of that a lot of people just sit around waiting for a life-partner to drop out of mid-air into their lives.
God certainly does provide, he provides the birds of the air food, but still the bird must look for the worm. God gave the Israelites the land, but they still had to go in and fight for it. It was not passive inactivity that won the day. God does his part, we must do ours.
Next, what is this idea of "second best"? If A was meant for B but instead marries C this will cause a chain reaction where B marries D which leads to E who was supposed to marry D to marry F and so on... So with just one choice, we cause the whole universe held together by God to crash? Even Microsoft Windows performs better than that!
So we end up with a lot of singles in church, waiting and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... just waiting... perhaps one of them thinks that she must serve God more or perhaps she wasn't spiritual enough.
So she volunteers... for the children's ministry. Good luck in increasing her odds of finding someone there.
Which leads to another thought. Before the invention of the automobile, most people married within a radius of 2 miles from where they lived.
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