Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment Paperback Author: Visit Amazon's Gay Hendricks Page | Language: English | ISBN:
0553354116 | Format: PDF, EPUB
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Review
"I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers. I encourage you to buy this book and use it to the hilt."-John Bradshaw.
"Gay and Kathlyn's book offers invaluable insights into the real workings of making a lasting, breakthrough commitment."--Bonnie Raitt, singer-songwriter
From the Publisher
"Here is a powerful new program that can clear away the unconscious agreements patterns that undermine even your best intentions. Through their own marriage and through twenty years' experience counseling more than one thousand couples, therapists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have developed precise strategies to help you create a vital partnership and enhance the energy, creativity, and happiness of each individual. You will learn how to: Let go of power struggles and need for control; Balance needs for closeness and separateness; Increase intimacy by telling the "microscopic truth"; Communicate in a positive way that stops arguments; Make agreements you can keep; Allow more pleasure into your life. Addressed to individuals as well as to couples,
Conscious Loving will heal old hurts and deepen your capacity for enjoyment, security, and enduing love. "I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers. I encourage you to buy this book and use it to the hilt."-John Bradshaw.
"Gay and Kathlyn's book offers invaluable insights into the real workings of making a lasting, breakthrough commitment."--Bonnie Raitt, singer-songwriter
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Books with free ebook downloads available Download Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment Paperback
- Paperback: 304 pages
- Publisher: Bantam; Reprint edition (January 1, 1992)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0553354116
- ISBN-13: 978-0553354119
- Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
This books is an incredible resource for modern couples who wish to establish and maintain a meaningful relationship. It is not filled with pop psychology "quick fix" solutions, but pragmatic advice that nurtures equality, respect, love and co-creation of a beautiful context for relationship.
Three of the main premises of this book is the observation that successful couples tend to: 1) Feel all of their feelings; 2) Speak all of their truth; and 3) Honor all of their agreements. This is a simple formula, but as a psychology professional who talks to a lot of people I have found it to be effective, but difficult for many people in practice. Nonetheless, I agree with the authors that a healthy relationship is impossible without this foundation and I think the authors are correct to stress these points.
I also like the discussion on withholding (lying by omission) and how this leads to eventual withdrawal and projection. This is not something most people like to look at, but a lot of problems are created by resentment that flows from unexpressed feelings and needs. This often gets unconsciously projected onto the partner or others and ultimately undermines the relationship. I give the author's credit for facing this dynamic squarely.
The next section of the book talks about the nine traps of unconscious loving. This basically points out commonly occurring patterns in relationships that result from unconscious projection or being run by our internalized psychological scripts from childhood. It is useful because it will help you to identify unhealthy patterns in your relationship that may be unconscious. The invitation here is to uncover and examine dysfunctional beliefs that may be running you without your awareness.
No, nothing new. Which is precisely what makes this so good. This is the stuff of time-tested common sense, the stuff of that inner voice of wisdom, the one that is always trying to steer you in the right direction, even as you kick and scream and resist, intent on remaining on the old path of repeated and repeated and repeated cycles. We repeat them until we learn the lesson. Resolve the dilemma. Solve the puzzle.
If the Hendricks message is to be boiled down to one catch-phrase, it would simply be: "wake up." It is not so much about change, as it is about living with our eyes open, fully aware (conscious) of why we do what we do, how we feel while we are doing it, and which way we will go next. Instead of moving through a fog, we instead make conscious choices.
If we can add one concept to that catch-phrase, it would be the concept of accountability. Relationships, and not just romantic ones, tend to bog down most when we get busy issuing blame and pointing fingers. Hendricks proposes that we are all, each and every one of us, to be held accountable for our own lives. No victims, no martyrs. And co-dependents, out with you. A satisfying relationship is one that takes place between two people who make a 100 percent (each) commitment (nothing less will do or failure has room to enter) to themselves and to each other. It begins with a promise to be authentic to ourselves and to always tell what Hendricks calls "the microscopic truth." Our lives are what we make them. And if we don't like our lives, well, it is up to each of us to make the necessary changes. We must be honest with ourselves above all, but we must respect our mates with utmost honesty as well. It is the only solid building block that holds up a strong and satisfying relationship.
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